Women, Porn and Erotica

So, it's been a while since I've posted, and things have been very sad and difficult for me, my partner died a month ago and I am still very much in love with him and trying to remember that it's about getting through the moments and just breathing.  As it happens with the loss of someone we love, your heart and mind are flooded with memories, things we hadn't thought of in ages are suddenly right there, everywhere you look there's a memory or reminder.  I struggled with finding a topic, something to distract me, yet would actually be worth writing about.  So, as I was perusing google for sex ideas, I saw numerous links for porn (including a dutch link that has teletubbys in the addy o_O).  

I recalled a discussion my partner and I had over porn and erotica, it was very interesting, because we weren't discussing preferences but more of the internal reasoning for it.  What is it about erotica and porn that makes it so appealing... is it the taboo label, is it about sexploration... or is it just basic human horniness? 

Overall, the memory of that discussion made me curious, we generally associate porn with men, the whole masturbation to porn mags, films and pictures.  But what about women?  Well statistically speaking 28% of all women access porn.  Now keep in mind these numbers reflect women who admit to it, not the closet porn peepers...

Women and Pornography
Women keeping their cyber activities secret	70%
Women struggling with pornography addiction	17%
Ratio of women to men favoring chat rooms	2X
Percentage of visitors to adult websites who are women	1 in 3 visitors
Women accessing adult websites each month	9.4 million
Women admitting to accessing pornography at work	13%
Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex or affairs.

I find the numbers interesting, but can't help but wonder if they added in soft porn and women's genre romance novels (I like to call them smut books and I am an avid fan!) just how much higher those numbers are.   I know there are probably thousands or millions of readers who will take offense to me calling romance novels soft porn, but come on have you read them lately?  They could singe the eyebrows off the devil if he had any.  Of course I am not including the Christian romance genre in this, but the straight up meet up, hook up, break up, make up books and then you have Erotic writers like Lora Leigh, Nina Bangs, Shayla Black and the list can go on..

My point is that we have been making porn out to be taboo for as long as it's been around, which is pretty much as long as humanity, the first documented religious icon the Willendorf Figurine has exaggerated sex organs explicitly depicted,  along with Palaeolithic cave drawings.  So let's face it, even though we censor it and we condemn it, we also profit from it and enjoy every aspect of it (even if we do it secretly). 

So in the interest of discussion and dialogue I am adding a brief excerpt erotic short story ******WARNING CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT, MILD BONDAGE AND COARSE LANGUAGE***** ok not so much the excerpt a little but the rest of the short story is :D

But the reason is this, women hide their relationship with porn, but proudly associate with erotica, because it's "not porn"  I'm guessing because there aren't pretty pictures and you have to imagine it on your own??  You tell me ... is this porn or is it not?

 The Dare

The man approached the professor as he was sitting on the patio of a local café.  Looking up he saw that the man held an envelope with his name on it.  Curious, he accepted it, slipping his thumbnail under the flap to break the wax seal; he withdrew a single sheet of paper.  Opening it, he read the words written in flowing feminine script. 

                       

                                I’ve Come a Long Way to Meet You

                                Do You Dare Come to Me, Here, Now?

                                If This Invitation Intrigues You,

                                Meet Me At the Address Below, Room 309

Glancing up he saw the man who delivered it retreating, slowly he slipped his hand into the envelope, and pulling out something silky he looked down and saw it was a blind fold.  The green silk felt cool against his skin and rereading the note he couldn’t suppress the shudder of desire that flooded him. 

Standing abruptly, he tossed some cash on the table and left the café with determination lining his body.  Striding quickly up the street he made his way to his car.  Tossing the carefully written note onto the seat beside him, he slid into the driver’s side starting his car and swiftly pulling away from the curb he headed straight for the address.

It took the professor fifteen minutes to reach the place.  Stepping from the car, he barely paused to toss his keys to the valet.  Glancing neither left nor right he advancing through the lobby, he strode purposely to glass elevators.  Impatiently waiting for the doors to glide open he again looked over the note, frowning he realized that the envelope held something else.  Slipping his fingers inside the packet his fingers brushed something cool and silky.  Unable to stop the rush of excitement as he tugged it out, he sucked in a sharp breath when he saw what tumbled loose to hang from his fingers… a silk tie in matching green.

Just then the elevator doors dinged signaling their opening, looking up he thought about what was waiting for him upstairs, waiting to be opened just like the elevator doors did, waiting for him to enter.  The elevator rose silently, swiftly delivering him to the third floor.  Exiting he looked at the numbers on the doors and rapidly made for the one marked 309.  Reaching it, he raised his fist to knock; pausing momentarily, wondering what was going to occur when he crossed the threshold. 

Abruptly knocking he was surprised when the door opened up underneath his hand.  Swinging silently inwards it invited him into the depths of the room that was dimly lit with a scattering of candles flickering throughout the room.  Walking inside he closed the door firmly, clicking the lock into place and continuing on to the center of the room.  The king-sized bed was covered with a comforter that was a swirling mosaic of muted browns and cream.  Following the line of the thick mattress, his eyes came to rest on the headboard that rose from the bed…and the matching silk tie dangling from the bedpost.  

Drawn to the naked bedpost he reached to tie the one he held in his hand to it.  As he did so, he felt a presence behind him, he started to turn but she stopped him with the touch of her soft hands on his shoulders.  Freezing in place, he shuddered as he felt her hands slip along his shoulders stroking his collarbone and up his throat.  Trailing her fingers across his cheeks, the woman stepped closer to him.  The professor felt his cock harden as the scent of her sex wafted delicately over him.  Need ripped through him and he started to turn around but the woman held him firmly.  Slipping one hand down she plucked the blindfold from his hand, taking it she tied it over his eyes, covering his eyes and keeping him from knowing who the woman was. 

Tugging his shirt, she maneuvered him towards the foot of the bed.  For a moment, she took her hands from him and he was standing there just waiting.  Just as he felt he couldn’t wait anymore he felt her hands on him unbuttoning his shirt.  Feeling the air kiss his chest as it opened he started to speak, but she stopped him with a finger pressed against his mouth hushing him.  Smiling against her finger, he nodded slowly understanding her desire for silence.  Pulling his shirt out of his pants it was stripped and tossed aside. 

Anticipating the feel of her hands on his skin, he jerked with surprise when it was the woman’s hot wet mouth tasting him.  His hands came up grasping her arms in response, holding her for a moment, and then he slipped them around her trailing them over her back.  He felt the same silky material as the blindfold and tie, stroking her through it he felt his senses indulging in the ambiance of the room, the soft strains of Etta James playing, the flickering shades of candles burning, the feel of this woman pressed against him.  Inhaling her scent deeply his cock grew more rigid as he tasted her rapidly rising desire. 

Feeling her peaked breasts brushing against his chest through the silk the professor felt his breathing grow more ragged.  Bunching the material in his hands, he tugged it up over the woman’s head, letting it drop to the floor his hands returned to stroking her now naked body.  He felt her shiver of delight with each stroke of his fingers up and down her spine, she leaned forward pressing kisses along his throat, sucking his skin, swirling her tongue across him. 

Mind Your Manners

So as I was perusing the net looking at potential topics I came across this article about Cybersex, now I have to say that I really enjoyed it.  As I read it I realized that like many things related to sex, the art of good manners is something hushed and not discussed at tea.   .....  it's ridiculous, but sex in any aspect is like the pink elephant in the room, you all know it's there but nobody acknowledges it.  I mean I realize not everyone is oppressed about sex, and it's just bizarre that we use sex to sell fantasies.  you know sometimes I think we need to all go to SSA  (suppressed sexuality anonymous) for therapy.  It's way past time to take the cloak of invisibility off of the pink elephant and accept that sex is a normal healthy aspect of life.  

Remember when you were a child and adults told you to say please and thank you, to excuse yourself when you passed gas (from either end).  Well those are what most societies label as "manners" appropriate expected behaviour.  Well, sex has manners too, and a courteous partner will always keep them in mind....because they will earn you a much higher probability of repeat performances and a happy partner.

Basic Bedroom Etiquette

1. Hygiene -Nothing and I mean Nothing is more critical than good hygiene.  Nobody wants to have sex with someone who smells like they've been dumpster diving for tuna and cat litter.
2. Unless you're a exhibitionist, lock the door and turn off the phone... interruptions will only kill the mood, not enhance it.
3. Don't Boink n Bolt for the door, after the act, don't be afraid of some pillow time, cuddling is very popular with many people.
4. Sex is Not a one way boulevard, it needs to be pleasurable for both partners... once in a while treating your partner is great... but when it becomes regularly expected, it's a chore not a treat.
5. Don't do a surprise backdoor visit, while anal is pleasurable and fun, make sure your partner gives prior consent and you are properly prepared....  along with this.... if you want some kink, talk about it first, pulling toys, cuff or whips out of your tickle trunk without warning is a sure fire way to douse the flames.
6. Be considerate, make sure your partner reaches orgasm before you do.....
7. Don't skip the foreplay, aside from it being something many people enjoy and feel creates and enhances intimacy..foreplay is crucial to good sex... why? because the body needs to have it's engine rev'd before going pedal to the mat.  Most women need to be stimulated prior to coitus simply so their body can prepare for the intercourse. 

Ejaculation Etiquette 

1. Give fair warning of imminent arrival.
2. Never ejaculate anywhere but in a condom without your partner's permission.
3. It's your fluid, you clean it up, whether you use a condom, or ejaculate elsewhere...except of course if it's in your partner, then that's their job.
4. If you have unprotected sex, don't ejaculate inside your partner after saying you won't
5. If you are ejaculating on your partner decide where before the moment arrives, and unless they specify they like it, don't rub it over them or smear it between your bodies

Oral Etiquette

1. Good Grooming, nobody wants to be reminded of reforestation and underbrush.
2. Like the bedroom. give fair warning you are about to come.
3. Never hold their head and force them to swallow, unless you made an agreement before starting, this is not cool and will likely put an end to you receiving oral for a long long time.
4. Kiss or not to kiss, again this is a personal choice some people have no issue with it, some are turned on and some need to brush and disinfect before continuing.  Point is ask...
5. This is not a one way event... reciprocate, they give you pleasure, you return in kind.

CyberSex Etiquette

1. Cybersex is the hottest trend in masturbation,  no longer do you have to date your hands and toys alone, you can accessorize with a playmate.  Don't believe what you've been told, masturbation in any form will not make you blind, but I have heard it helps ease headaches ;-)
2. Prior to cybersex, it's good form to make sure you won't be surprised or interrupted, there's nothing like being caught in the act in front of your computer by your neighbor, child or partner...anyone who does not live alone can tell you explaining the buzz of a vibrator and the moaning gasps coming from the computer room makes for awkward dinner conversation.
3. Men? take the time to invest in protection... and I don't mean condoms, make sure your modem protector is on, and don't forget the splash guard for your keyboard. just think of it this way, an ounce of prevention is worth more than explaining to your IT tech what happened to your computer system. 
4. Remember Cybersex is fantasy role playing, it doesn't matter if you are in the rattiest clothes, haven't combed your hair in a week or can't remember if you brushed your teeth.... the exception to this is if you are "camming", then prepare like you would for a date who was getting lucky that night.  Have fun, be creative... you aren't playing yourself as you are, you are playing a persona you create for the purpose of mutual masturbation and satisfaction. 
5. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times... your computer is not a sex toy, it's cyber bed you are laying on (or wall, floor, etc..)
6. Just like real life sex, cyber isn't always great and perfect.... but the beauty of it is you can fake it and still pay your bills online and fold your laundry. 
7. Here's a hint.... use spell check...typos happen but you don't want to put your duck in her pudding.
8. read what is happening, there is nothing more awkward in cyber than your partner going south of your border, while you are ridin 'em like a bucking bronco.
9. Just like you were taught as a child when someone does something for you, say thank you, give an A for effort even if the experience was unsatisfactory
10. Be gentle with them, don't tell them you'll IM them in the morning and they never hear from you again, cyber opens up all sorts of avenues to deal with this situation, although I recommend honesty in the "thanks it was fun but I'm not ready for repeat performances"

 This is one place where being Mr./Ms. Manners is a good thing.

It's My Choice, Not Yours....

So I decided to address a fairly controversial topic today, I want to discuss alternative lifestyles.  There are many far more than I am covering but mostly I just want to give some examples while discussing what it means and the context in which society judges people for being “abnormal”.  By definition an alternative lifestyle is said to be a mode of living or doing something in a way that is not within the accepted norms or values. In a sexual context it’s having sex or participating in sexual behaviour that is outside social norms and quite often labelled deviant or sinful.  Its attitudes and the narrow minded crap like this that I just can’t stand.  Sex is normal, healthy and whatever floats your boat; well so long as it’s not breaking the law (in a harmful way) then have fun and just be true to yourself. 
So what are some types of alternative lifestyles?  Well like I said the list of alternative living is long and varied I don’t think I have enough blog space to cover them all.  So I picked a few that most people have at least heard of. 
Some activities considered adult alternative lifestyles include:
1. BDSM: This stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S), and Sado-Masochism (S&M). As the definition suggests, BDSM involves bondage, that is restraining or being restrained, domination as well as submission, Sadism (taking pleasure in inflicting pain on another person) and masochism (taking pleasure in being subjected to a certain degree of pain).
2. Swinging: This can be defined as a form of recreational social and sexual activity between consenting adults whereby partner swapping is acceptable. Swinging is also referred to as "wife swapping", but this definition is inaccurate as it narrows down the activity and makes it look like a male domain. "Partner swapping" may be a simpler but more accurate description.
3. Sexual Fetishism: The arousal and/or gratification through some object, or non-genital part of the body. Such object or body part is referred to as the fetish. Fetishes include but are not limited to shoes (boots or high-hills), feet or digits of the foot, hair, underclothes or lingerie, body piercing, clothing (size, garment-type or size), stockings, etc.
4. Polyamory: This is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In polyamory there is no partner swapping, as opposed to swinging where swapping is the norm. Polyamorous relationships are usually serious and long term.
What drives people to pursue alternative sexual behaviour and lifestyles?  Well to be perfectly honest the list of reasons is probably long and as varied as you can imagine, the reasons are also very personal.  Many people just want to explore and expand their experience, some are seeking fulfillment they aren’t receiving within “normal” parameters, it is fun and healthy… There is nothing wrong or deviant about any of these choices.  Now for anyone who is conservative or these choices don’t fit within your standards of acceptable behaviour, that’s cool and no one says you have to accept or participate in anything that goes against your belief systems.  However, just because it isn’t what you think is ok, does not give you the right to judge or condemn anyone who chooses a path that does not fit your constructed paradigm of acceptable behaviour. 
I’m not trying to rant or stand on a soap box and preach, but I do want to be clear that intolerance is wrong and judging others because they don’t fit your yardstick of acceptability does not make them any less of a person or undeserving of open respect and understanding than you are. 
Now you may have noticed that in the alternative lifestyle examples I did not address the GLBTQ people (for those of you who may not know what that is…. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered/Queer) for 1 simple reason, I don’t consider any of those to be a lifestyle choice or alternative.  Just like heterosexuals, GLBTQ are people, it’s not a lifestyle choice, and it’s a part of them.  I am not going to even debate the religious or societal stereotypes, because frankly I could careless what any religion says about it.  A religion that actively teaches and enables the practice of judgmental intolerance is wrong and undeserving of any acknowledgment. 
Not that I personally can truly understand what it is to be discriminated for my sexual orientation, but I have been judged for my lifestyle choices, for not marrying, for having children (although if you ask my mother, I’m not really a sinner for having children out of wedlock because I adopted and didn’t give birth), for not spending my life chasing the perfect man to complete me.  I guess by social standards that makes me an old maid with an attitude and not a whole woman because I have no husband.  Now not everyone judges me this way, but it has been a common enough experience to have impacted my worldview.  People are people… it doesn’t matter who, how, why, where you do what you do…. It doesn’t change the fact that we are all equals and no one has the right to make you feel less than for being true to yourself.

It's The Law ... in the USA

I stumbled onto this article while doing some research and it had me giggling so I thought I'd share....


Smooch Swift
Enjoy a nice snog? Not if you live in Idaho or Iowa. While kissing is lawful, Idaho has a statute against kissing for longer than eighteen minutes. But in Iowa, they’ll not tolerate such tongue play for longer than five minutes.
Enforced Chivalry
In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it’s illegal for a woman to ask a man out on a date. That’s right, girls, wait by the phone for him to call you, otherwise you’re in violation of the law. But if that wasn’t bad enough, consider Georgia, where it’s unlawful for two unmarried people to have sex at all.
The Tarzan and Jane Paradigm
In Michigan, an old law dictates that a woman’s hair is the possession of her husband. Therefore she must obtain his permission before she gets it cut. Did you really think that the image of a Neanderthal dragging his woman by her hair back to his cave was some sort of hyperbolic joke?
Enforced Romance
In Virginia it’s illegal to have sex with the lights on. That’s okay—candlelight sets a much better mood.
Wahington, D.C.: Not Funkytown
Don’t get too imaginative in bed in D.C., otherwise you’ll be in violation of the law that decrees the missionary position the only legal sexual position. That means no Reverse Cowgirl. Ever.
Accidental Brothel
Sixteen is the magic number in Pennsylvania. In Pennsylvania, sixteen women cohabitating under the same roof constitutes a brothel and is therefore illegal. One has to wonder how that number was settled upon. Why not fifteen? Why not four? Why not thirty-five?
Conveniently Vague
A statute in Connecticut dictates no “private sexual behavior between consenting adults.” So what then are people to do? The extrapolations that could result from such broad language truly test the bounds of the imagination. Though it’s safe to say that whatever it is you think of is probably illegal, too.
Keeping Sexy Down
In the department of non-enforceable laws, we have Minnesota, where it’s illegal to sleep in the nude, and New York, where technically a woman can be fined $25 for wearing body-clinging clothing. And lest we forget, oral sex is illegal in eighteen states.

Oral 101

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Just The Facts Please....

So I had an interesting discussion with a friend about size and the average for men and women.  We laughed, but he was actually surprised when I showed him some facts about the law of sexual appendage averages.  It did get me thinking though, about how many people believe in the myths about size and appeal.... So what does that have to do with anything?

Well let's talk about what are the norms here, because I bet that my buddy won't be the only one surprised by what the actual averages are.  Let's start with men.... to the average man, his penis is, one of the most important things in the whole world (whether he admits to it or not). At an early age he discovers it and immediately becomes fascinated by it, any Mom or Dad can tell you that it starts in diapers.  It's a race to see if they pee on you or cop a feel.  Seriously, though many societies socially constructed mythology that size matters in the measure of manhood is crap.  It's a pervasive stigma that pressures many men  to have that peek into the next urinal and wondering just how do I rate in size?

Society is so hung up on size, which I find bizarre because other than say a woman's boobs, the penis is about the only part of a human being that society endorses large sizes in. The truth is length of a penis doesn't really mean a thing except when it comes to having your pants tailored and whether you could take out someone's eye by walking past.  No matter what your Dad, Brother, Uncle or Granddad tells you length isn't where it's at, in fact many women are intimidated by a large/long penis, while many are attracted to a man who has some substance to him. 

According to the professionals the average flaccid penis is 3.75in in length (9.5cm), keeping in mind of course that there are all sorts of factors that affect the length of a penis such as temperature, there can be a variance of as much as 2 in, which is all well and good, but let's get to the nitty gritty, who cares what a limp noodle measures. What's important is the size after an erection right?

In a study of 300 men done by Masters and Johnson,   there were a few notable facts found:

• The largest organ was 14 cm (5.5 inches) in the flaccid state. It belonged to a slim man who was 5' 7" tall (170 cm).
• The smallest penis measured 6cm (2.25 inches). It belonged to a fairly heavily built man of 5' 11" (180cm).

• The man whose non-erect penis is smallish will usually achieve about a 100 per cent increase in length during sexual excitement.
• The man whose non-erect penis is on the largish size will probably manage about a 75 per cent increase.
• This means the great majority of penises measure between 15cm and 18cm (6-7 inches) when erect, with the average figure being about 16.5cm (6.5 inches).

Interestingly, most penises are very much the same size when erect, and there is also no correlation between race and penile size.  Sorry to break the news to you....So you can see that even if a man has got a 'small' penis, he's got a built-in compensating factor that will bring him up to about the same size as the guy who appears to be 'better equipped' in the shower room.

I hope I haven't lost you to all the stats n facts... because  this is an important part for you men to know... it doesn't matter how long or how short your penis is, because the vagina will accommodate itself to virtually any length.

Speaking of women let's get some facts for us .....

• The vagina of a woman who hasn't had a child is only 7.5cm (3 inches) long when she's not sexually excited. The figures for women who have had babies are only slightly different.
• Even when aroused, a woman's vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (4 inches).

The key point to remember with women is to properly excite her, by doing so her vaginal passage will adjust to accommodate even the exceptionally large; however, he needs to penetrate very slowly. In this manner the vagina will lengthen by 150 or 200 per cent to accommodate him.

So what have we learned?  Well..... men the only size that really interests women is girth, so if your a chubby penis man ...your partner will no doubt enjoy you, the average man is very capable of above average sex and the long man can still play if he takes his time to do it right.... which by the way I think is advice every man should take when approaching sex, well women too preparation and build up isn't just about sliding home it's about avoiding potential harm and pain for your partner as well.  

The message here is style over substance will get you further than you think, take the time to play, to excite and to get to know your partner...otherwise sex is just another cardio work out.

Play Time

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