Mind Your Manners

So as I was perusing the net looking at potential topics I came across this article about Cybersex, now I have to say that I really enjoyed it.  As I read it I realized that like many things related to sex, the art of good manners is something hushed and not discussed at tea.   .....  it's ridiculous, but sex in any aspect is like the pink elephant in the room, you all know it's there but nobody acknowledges it.  I mean I realize not everyone is oppressed about sex, and it's just bizarre that we use sex to sell fantasies.  you know sometimes I think we need to all go to SSA  (suppressed sexuality anonymous) for therapy.  It's way past time to take the cloak of invisibility off of the pink elephant and accept that sex is a normal healthy aspect of life.  

Remember when you were a child and adults told you to say please and thank you, to excuse yourself when you passed gas (from either end).  Well those are what most societies label as "manners" appropriate expected behaviour.  Well, sex has manners too, and a courteous partner will always keep them in mind....because they will earn you a much higher probability of repeat performances and a happy partner.

Basic Bedroom Etiquette

1. Hygiene -Nothing and I mean Nothing is more critical than good hygiene.  Nobody wants to have sex with someone who smells like they've been dumpster diving for tuna and cat litter.
2. Unless you're a exhibitionist, lock the door and turn off the phone... interruptions will only kill the mood, not enhance it.
3. Don't Boink n Bolt for the door, after the act, don't be afraid of some pillow time, cuddling is very popular with many people.
4. Sex is Not a one way boulevard, it needs to be pleasurable for both partners... once in a while treating your partner is great... but when it becomes regularly expected, it's a chore not a treat.
5. Don't do a surprise backdoor visit, while anal is pleasurable and fun, make sure your partner gives prior consent and you are properly prepared....  along with this.... if you want some kink, talk about it first, pulling toys, cuff or whips out of your tickle trunk without warning is a sure fire way to douse the flames.
6. Be considerate, make sure your partner reaches orgasm before you do.....
7. Don't skip the foreplay, aside from it being something many people enjoy and feel creates and enhances intimacy..foreplay is crucial to good sex... why? because the body needs to have it's engine rev'd before going pedal to the mat.  Most women need to be stimulated prior to coitus simply so their body can prepare for the intercourse. 

Ejaculation Etiquette 

1. Give fair warning of imminent arrival.
2. Never ejaculate anywhere but in a condom without your partner's permission.
3. It's your fluid, you clean it up, whether you use a condom, or ejaculate elsewhere...except of course if it's in your partner, then that's their job.
4. If you have unprotected sex, don't ejaculate inside your partner after saying you won't
5. If you are ejaculating on your partner decide where before the moment arrives, and unless they specify they like it, don't rub it over them or smear it between your bodies

Oral Etiquette

1. Good Grooming, nobody wants to be reminded of reforestation and underbrush.
2. Like the bedroom. give fair warning you are about to come.
3. Never hold their head and force them to swallow, unless you made an agreement before starting, this is not cool and will likely put an end to you receiving oral for a long long time.
4. Kiss or not to kiss, again this is a personal choice some people have no issue with it, some are turned on and some need to brush and disinfect before continuing.  Point is ask...
5. This is not a one way event... reciprocate, they give you pleasure, you return in kind.

CyberSex Etiquette

1. Cybersex is the hottest trend in masturbation,  no longer do you have to date your hands and toys alone, you can accessorize with a playmate.  Don't believe what you've been told, masturbation in any form will not make you blind, but I have heard it helps ease headaches ;-)
2. Prior to cybersex, it's good form to make sure you won't be surprised or interrupted, there's nothing like being caught in the act in front of your computer by your neighbor, child or partner...anyone who does not live alone can tell you explaining the buzz of a vibrator and the moaning gasps coming from the computer room makes for awkward dinner conversation.
3. Men? take the time to invest in protection... and I don't mean condoms, make sure your modem protector is on, and don't forget the splash guard for your keyboard. just think of it this way, an ounce of prevention is worth more than explaining to your IT tech what happened to your computer system. 
4. Remember Cybersex is fantasy role playing, it doesn't matter if you are in the rattiest clothes, haven't combed your hair in a week or can't remember if you brushed your teeth.... the exception to this is if you are "camming", then prepare like you would for a date who was getting lucky that night.  Have fun, be creative... you aren't playing yourself as you are, you are playing a persona you create for the purpose of mutual masturbation and satisfaction. 
5. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times... your computer is not a sex toy, it's cyber bed you are laying on (or wall, floor, etc..)
6. Just like real life sex, cyber isn't always great and perfect.... but the beauty of it is you can fake it and still pay your bills online and fold your laundry. 
7. Here's a hint.... use spell check...typos happen but you don't want to put your duck in her pudding.
8. read what is happening, there is nothing more awkward in cyber than your partner going south of your border, while you are ridin 'em like a bucking bronco.
9. Just like you were taught as a child when someone does something for you, say thank you, give an A for effort even if the experience was unsatisfactory
10. Be gentle with them, don't tell them you'll IM them in the morning and they never hear from you again, cyber opens up all sorts of avenues to deal with this situation, although I recommend honesty in the "thanks it was fun but I'm not ready for repeat performances"

 This is one place where being Mr./Ms. Manners is a good thing.

It's My Choice, Not Yours....

So I decided to address a fairly controversial topic today, I want to discuss alternative lifestyles.  There are many far more than I am covering but mostly I just want to give some examples while discussing what it means and the context in which society judges people for being “abnormal”.  By definition an alternative lifestyle is said to be a mode of living or doing something in a way that is not within the accepted norms or values. In a sexual context it’s having sex or participating in sexual behaviour that is outside social norms and quite often labelled deviant or sinful.  Its attitudes and the narrow minded crap like this that I just can’t stand.  Sex is normal, healthy and whatever floats your boat; well so long as it’s not breaking the law (in a harmful way) then have fun and just be true to yourself. 
So what are some types of alternative lifestyles?  Well like I said the list of alternative living is long and varied I don’t think I have enough blog space to cover them all.  So I picked a few that most people have at least heard of. 
Some activities considered adult alternative lifestyles include:
1. BDSM: This stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S), and Sado-Masochism (S&M). As the definition suggests, BDSM involves bondage, that is restraining or being restrained, domination as well as submission, Sadism (taking pleasure in inflicting pain on another person) and masochism (taking pleasure in being subjected to a certain degree of pain).
2. Swinging: This can be defined as a form of recreational social and sexual activity between consenting adults whereby partner swapping is acceptable. Swinging is also referred to as "wife swapping", but this definition is inaccurate as it narrows down the activity and makes it look like a male domain. "Partner swapping" may be a simpler but more accurate description.
3. Sexual Fetishism: The arousal and/or gratification through some object, or non-genital part of the body. Such object or body part is referred to as the fetish. Fetishes include but are not limited to shoes (boots or high-hills), feet or digits of the foot, hair, underclothes or lingerie, body piercing, clothing (size, garment-type or size), stockings, etc.
4. Polyamory: This is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In polyamory there is no partner swapping, as opposed to swinging where swapping is the norm. Polyamorous relationships are usually serious and long term.
What drives people to pursue alternative sexual behaviour and lifestyles?  Well to be perfectly honest the list of reasons is probably long and as varied as you can imagine, the reasons are also very personal.  Many people just want to explore and expand their experience, some are seeking fulfillment they aren’t receiving within “normal” parameters, it is fun and healthy… There is nothing wrong or deviant about any of these choices.  Now for anyone who is conservative or these choices don’t fit within your standards of acceptable behaviour, that’s cool and no one says you have to accept or participate in anything that goes against your belief systems.  However, just because it isn’t what you think is ok, does not give you the right to judge or condemn anyone who chooses a path that does not fit your constructed paradigm of acceptable behaviour. 
I’m not trying to rant or stand on a soap box and preach, but I do want to be clear that intolerance is wrong and judging others because they don’t fit your yardstick of acceptability does not make them any less of a person or undeserving of open respect and understanding than you are. 
Now you may have noticed that in the alternative lifestyle examples I did not address the GLBTQ people (for those of you who may not know what that is…. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered/Queer) for 1 simple reason, I don’t consider any of those to be a lifestyle choice or alternative.  Just like heterosexuals, GLBTQ are people, it’s not a lifestyle choice, and it’s a part of them.  I am not going to even debate the religious or societal stereotypes, because frankly I could careless what any religion says about it.  A religion that actively teaches and enables the practice of judgmental intolerance is wrong and undeserving of any acknowledgment. 
Not that I personally can truly understand what it is to be discriminated for my sexual orientation, but I have been judged for my lifestyle choices, for not marrying, for having children (although if you ask my mother, I’m not really a sinner for having children out of wedlock because I adopted and didn’t give birth), for not spending my life chasing the perfect man to complete me.  I guess by social standards that makes me an old maid with an attitude and not a whole woman because I have no husband.  Now not everyone judges me this way, but it has been a common enough experience to have impacted my worldview.  People are people… it doesn’t matter who, how, why, where you do what you do…. It doesn’t change the fact that we are all equals and no one has the right to make you feel less than for being true to yourself.