Mind Your Manners

So as I was perusing the net looking at potential topics I came across this article about Cybersex, now I have to say that I really enjoyed it.  As I read it I realized that like many things related to sex, the art of good manners is something hushed and not discussed at tea.   .....  it's ridiculous, but sex in any aspect is like the pink elephant in the room, you all know it's there but nobody acknowledges it.  I mean I realize not everyone is oppressed about sex, and it's just bizarre that we use sex to sell fantasies.  you know sometimes I think we need to all go to SSA  (suppressed sexuality anonymous) for therapy.  It's way past time to take the cloak of invisibility off of the pink elephant and accept that sex is a normal healthy aspect of life.  

Remember when you were a child and adults told you to say please and thank you, to excuse yourself when you passed gas (from either end).  Well those are what most societies label as "manners" appropriate expected behaviour.  Well, sex has manners too, and a courteous partner will always keep them in mind....because they will earn you a much higher probability of repeat performances and a happy partner.

Basic Bedroom Etiquette

1. Hygiene -Nothing and I mean Nothing is more critical than good hygiene.  Nobody wants to have sex with someone who smells like they've been dumpster diving for tuna and cat litter.
2. Unless you're a exhibitionist, lock the door and turn off the phone... interruptions will only kill the mood, not enhance it.
3. Don't Boink n Bolt for the door, after the act, don't be afraid of some pillow time, cuddling is very popular with many people.
4. Sex is Not a one way boulevard, it needs to be pleasurable for both partners... once in a while treating your partner is great... but when it becomes regularly expected, it's a chore not a treat.
5. Don't do a surprise backdoor visit, while anal is pleasurable and fun, make sure your partner gives prior consent and you are properly prepared....  along with this.... if you want some kink, talk about it first, pulling toys, cuff or whips out of your tickle trunk without warning is a sure fire way to douse the flames.
6. Be considerate, make sure your partner reaches orgasm before you do.....
7. Don't skip the foreplay, aside from it being something many people enjoy and feel creates and enhances intimacy..foreplay is crucial to good sex... why? because the body needs to have it's engine rev'd before going pedal to the mat.  Most women need to be stimulated prior to coitus simply so their body can prepare for the intercourse. 

Ejaculation Etiquette 

1. Give fair warning of imminent arrival.
2. Never ejaculate anywhere but in a condom without your partner's permission.
3. It's your fluid, you clean it up, whether you use a condom, or ejaculate elsewhere...except of course if it's in your partner, then that's their job.
4. If you have unprotected sex, don't ejaculate inside your partner after saying you won't
5. If you are ejaculating on your partner decide where before the moment arrives, and unless they specify they like it, don't rub it over them or smear it between your bodies

Oral Etiquette

1. Good Grooming, nobody wants to be reminded of reforestation and underbrush.
2. Like the bedroom. give fair warning you are about to come.
3. Never hold their head and force them to swallow, unless you made an agreement before starting, this is not cool and will likely put an end to you receiving oral for a long long time.
4. Kiss or not to kiss, again this is a personal choice some people have no issue with it, some are turned on and some need to brush and disinfect before continuing.  Point is ask...
5. This is not a one way event... reciprocate, they give you pleasure, you return in kind.

CyberSex Etiquette

1. Cybersex is the hottest trend in masturbation,  no longer do you have to date your hands and toys alone, you can accessorize with a playmate.  Don't believe what you've been told, masturbation in any form will not make you blind, but I have heard it helps ease headaches ;-)
2. Prior to cybersex, it's good form to make sure you won't be surprised or interrupted, there's nothing like being caught in the act in front of your computer by your neighbor, child or partner...anyone who does not live alone can tell you explaining the buzz of a vibrator and the moaning gasps coming from the computer room makes for awkward dinner conversation.
3. Men? take the time to invest in protection... and I don't mean condoms, make sure your modem protector is on, and don't forget the splash guard for your keyboard. just think of it this way, an ounce of prevention is worth more than explaining to your IT tech what happened to your computer system. 
4. Remember Cybersex is fantasy role playing, it doesn't matter if you are in the rattiest clothes, haven't combed your hair in a week or can't remember if you brushed your teeth.... the exception to this is if you are "camming", then prepare like you would for a date who was getting lucky that night.  Have fun, be creative... you aren't playing yourself as you are, you are playing a persona you create for the purpose of mutual masturbation and satisfaction. 
5. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times... your computer is not a sex toy, it's cyber bed you are laying on (or wall, floor, etc..)
6. Just like real life sex, cyber isn't always great and perfect.... but the beauty of it is you can fake it and still pay your bills online and fold your laundry. 
7. Here's a hint.... use spell check...typos happen but you don't want to put your duck in her pudding.
8. read what is happening, there is nothing more awkward in cyber than your partner going south of your border, while you are ridin 'em like a bucking bronco.
9. Just like you were taught as a child when someone does something for you, say thank you, give an A for effort even if the experience was unsatisfactory
10. Be gentle with them, don't tell them you'll IM them in the morning and they never hear from you again, cyber opens up all sorts of avenues to deal with this situation, although I recommend honesty in the "thanks it was fun but I'm not ready for repeat performances"

 This is one place where being Mr./Ms. Manners is a good thing.