Mind Your Manners

So as I was perusing the net looking at potential topics I came across this article about Cybersex, now I have to say that I really enjoyed it.  As I read it I realized that like many things related to sex, the art of good manners is something hushed and not discussed at tea.   .....  it's ridiculous, but sex in any aspect is like the pink elephant in the room, you all know it's there but nobody acknowledges it.  I mean I realize not everyone is oppressed about sex, and it's just bizarre that we use sex to sell fantasies.  you know sometimes I think we need to all go to SSA  (suppressed sexuality anonymous) for therapy.  It's way past time to take the cloak of invisibility off of the pink elephant and accept that sex is a normal healthy aspect of life.  

Remember when you were a child and adults told you to say please and thank you, to excuse yourself when you passed gas (from either end).  Well those are what most societies label as "manners" appropriate expected behaviour.  Well, sex has manners too, and a courteous partner will always keep them in mind....because they will earn you a much higher probability of repeat performances and a happy partner.

Basic Bedroom Etiquette

1. Hygiene -Nothing and I mean Nothing is more critical than good hygiene.  Nobody wants to have sex with someone who smells like they've been dumpster diving for tuna and cat litter.
2. Unless you're a exhibitionist, lock the door and turn off the phone... interruptions will only kill the mood, not enhance it.
3. Don't Boink n Bolt for the door, after the act, don't be afraid of some pillow time, cuddling is very popular with many people.
4. Sex is Not a one way boulevard, it needs to be pleasurable for both partners... once in a while treating your partner is great... but when it becomes regularly expected, it's a chore not a treat.
5. Don't do a surprise backdoor visit, while anal is pleasurable and fun, make sure your partner gives prior consent and you are properly prepared....  along with this.... if you want some kink, talk about it first, pulling toys, cuff or whips out of your tickle trunk without warning is a sure fire way to douse the flames.
6. Be considerate, make sure your partner reaches orgasm before you do.....
7. Don't skip the foreplay, aside from it being something many people enjoy and feel creates and enhances intimacy..foreplay is crucial to good sex... why? because the body needs to have it's engine rev'd before going pedal to the mat.  Most women need to be stimulated prior to coitus simply so their body can prepare for the intercourse. 

Ejaculation Etiquette 

1. Give fair warning of imminent arrival.
2. Never ejaculate anywhere but in a condom without your partner's permission.
3. It's your fluid, you clean it up, whether you use a condom, or ejaculate elsewhere...except of course if it's in your partner, then that's their job.
4. If you have unprotected sex, don't ejaculate inside your partner after saying you won't
5. If you are ejaculating on your partner decide where before the moment arrives, and unless they specify they like it, don't rub it over them or smear it between your bodies

Oral Etiquette

1. Good Grooming, nobody wants to be reminded of reforestation and underbrush.
2. Like the bedroom. give fair warning you are about to come.
3. Never hold their head and force them to swallow, unless you made an agreement before starting, this is not cool and will likely put an end to you receiving oral for a long long time.
4. Kiss or not to kiss, again this is a personal choice some people have no issue with it, some are turned on and some need to brush and disinfect before continuing.  Point is ask...
5. This is not a one way event... reciprocate, they give you pleasure, you return in kind.

CyberSex Etiquette

1. Cybersex is the hottest trend in masturbation,  no longer do you have to date your hands and toys alone, you can accessorize with a playmate.  Don't believe what you've been told, masturbation in any form will not make you blind, but I have heard it helps ease headaches ;-)
2. Prior to cybersex, it's good form to make sure you won't be surprised or interrupted, there's nothing like being caught in the act in front of your computer by your neighbor, child or partner...anyone who does not live alone can tell you explaining the buzz of a vibrator and the moaning gasps coming from the computer room makes for awkward dinner conversation.
3. Men? take the time to invest in protection... and I don't mean condoms, make sure your modem protector is on, and don't forget the splash guard for your keyboard. just think of it this way, an ounce of prevention is worth more than explaining to your IT tech what happened to your computer system. 
4. Remember Cybersex is fantasy role playing, it doesn't matter if you are in the rattiest clothes, haven't combed your hair in a week or can't remember if you brushed your teeth.... the exception to this is if you are "camming", then prepare like you would for a date who was getting lucky that night.  Have fun, be creative... you aren't playing yourself as you are, you are playing a persona you create for the purpose of mutual masturbation and satisfaction. 
5. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times... your computer is not a sex toy, it's cyber bed you are laying on (or wall, floor, etc..)
6. Just like real life sex, cyber isn't always great and perfect.... but the beauty of it is you can fake it and still pay your bills online and fold your laundry. 
7. Here's a hint.... use spell check...typos happen but you don't want to put your duck in her pudding.
8. read what is happening, there is nothing more awkward in cyber than your partner going south of your border, while you are ridin 'em like a bucking bronco.
9. Just like you were taught as a child when someone does something for you, say thank you, give an A for effort even if the experience was unsatisfactory
10. Be gentle with them, don't tell them you'll IM them in the morning and they never hear from you again, cyber opens up all sorts of avenues to deal with this situation, although I recommend honesty in the "thanks it was fun but I'm not ready for repeat performances"

 This is one place where being Mr./Ms. Manners is a good thing.

It's My Choice, Not Yours....

So I decided to address a fairly controversial topic today, I want to discuss alternative lifestyles.  There are many far more than I am covering but mostly I just want to give some examples while discussing what it means and the context in which society judges people for being “abnormal”.  By definition an alternative lifestyle is said to be a mode of living or doing something in a way that is not within the accepted norms or values. In a sexual context it’s having sex or participating in sexual behaviour that is outside social norms and quite often labelled deviant or sinful.  Its attitudes and the narrow minded crap like this that I just can’t stand.  Sex is normal, healthy and whatever floats your boat; well so long as it’s not breaking the law (in a harmful way) then have fun and just be true to yourself. 
So what are some types of alternative lifestyles?  Well like I said the list of alternative living is long and varied I don’t think I have enough blog space to cover them all.  So I picked a few that most people have at least heard of. 
Some activities considered adult alternative lifestyles include:
1. BDSM: This stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S), and Sado-Masochism (S&M). As the definition suggests, BDSM involves bondage, that is restraining or being restrained, domination as well as submission, Sadism (taking pleasure in inflicting pain on another person) and masochism (taking pleasure in being subjected to a certain degree of pain).
2. Swinging: This can be defined as a form of recreational social and sexual activity between consenting adults whereby partner swapping is acceptable. Swinging is also referred to as "wife swapping", but this definition is inaccurate as it narrows down the activity and makes it look like a male domain. "Partner swapping" may be a simpler but more accurate description.
3. Sexual Fetishism: The arousal and/or gratification through some object, or non-genital part of the body. Such object or body part is referred to as the fetish. Fetishes include but are not limited to shoes (boots or high-hills), feet or digits of the foot, hair, underclothes or lingerie, body piercing, clothing (size, garment-type or size), stockings, etc.
4. Polyamory: This is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In polyamory there is no partner swapping, as opposed to swinging where swapping is the norm. Polyamorous relationships are usually serious and long term.
What drives people to pursue alternative sexual behaviour and lifestyles?  Well to be perfectly honest the list of reasons is probably long and as varied as you can imagine, the reasons are also very personal.  Many people just want to explore and expand their experience, some are seeking fulfillment they aren’t receiving within “normal” parameters, it is fun and healthy… There is nothing wrong or deviant about any of these choices.  Now for anyone who is conservative or these choices don’t fit within your standards of acceptable behaviour, that’s cool and no one says you have to accept or participate in anything that goes against your belief systems.  However, just because it isn’t what you think is ok, does not give you the right to judge or condemn anyone who chooses a path that does not fit your constructed paradigm of acceptable behaviour. 
I’m not trying to rant or stand on a soap box and preach, but I do want to be clear that intolerance is wrong and judging others because they don’t fit your yardstick of acceptability does not make them any less of a person or undeserving of open respect and understanding than you are. 
Now you may have noticed that in the alternative lifestyle examples I did not address the GLBTQ people (for those of you who may not know what that is…. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered/Queer) for 1 simple reason, I don’t consider any of those to be a lifestyle choice or alternative.  Just like heterosexuals, GLBTQ are people, it’s not a lifestyle choice, and it’s a part of them.  I am not going to even debate the religious or societal stereotypes, because frankly I could careless what any religion says about it.  A religion that actively teaches and enables the practice of judgmental intolerance is wrong and undeserving of any acknowledgment. 
Not that I personally can truly understand what it is to be discriminated for my sexual orientation, but I have been judged for my lifestyle choices, for not marrying, for having children (although if you ask my mother, I’m not really a sinner for having children out of wedlock because I adopted and didn’t give birth), for not spending my life chasing the perfect man to complete me.  I guess by social standards that makes me an old maid with an attitude and not a whole woman because I have no husband.  Now not everyone judges me this way, but it has been a common enough experience to have impacted my worldview.  People are people… it doesn’t matter who, how, why, where you do what you do…. It doesn’t change the fact that we are all equals and no one has the right to make you feel less than for being true to yourself.

It's The Law ... in the USA

I stumbled onto this article while doing some research and it had me giggling so I thought I'd share....


Smooch Swift
Enjoy a nice snog? Not if you live in Idaho or Iowa. While kissing is lawful, Idaho has a statute against kissing for longer than eighteen minutes. But in Iowa, they’ll not tolerate such tongue play for longer than five minutes.
Enforced Chivalry
In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it’s illegal for a woman to ask a man out on a date. That’s right, girls, wait by the phone for him to call you, otherwise you’re in violation of the law. But if that wasn’t bad enough, consider Georgia, where it’s unlawful for two unmarried people to have sex at all.
The Tarzan and Jane Paradigm
In Michigan, an old law dictates that a woman’s hair is the possession of her husband. Therefore she must obtain his permission before she gets it cut. Did you really think that the image of a Neanderthal dragging his woman by her hair back to his cave was some sort of hyperbolic joke?
Enforced Romance
In Virginia it’s illegal to have sex with the lights on. That’s okay—candlelight sets a much better mood.
Wahington, D.C.: Not Funkytown
Don’t get too imaginative in bed in D.C., otherwise you’ll be in violation of the law that decrees the missionary position the only legal sexual position. That means no Reverse Cowgirl. Ever.
Accidental Brothel
Sixteen is the magic number in Pennsylvania. In Pennsylvania, sixteen women cohabitating under the same roof constitutes a brothel and is therefore illegal. One has to wonder how that number was settled upon. Why not fifteen? Why not four? Why not thirty-five?
Conveniently Vague
A statute in Connecticut dictates no “private sexual behavior between consenting adults.” So what then are people to do? The extrapolations that could result from such broad language truly test the bounds of the imagination. Though it’s safe to say that whatever it is you think of is probably illegal, too.
Keeping Sexy Down
In the department of non-enforceable laws, we have Minnesota, where it’s illegal to sleep in the nude, and New York, where technically a woman can be fined $25 for wearing body-clinging clothing. And lest we forget, oral sex is illegal in eighteen states.

Oral 101

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Just The Facts Please....

So I had an interesting discussion with a friend about size and the average for men and women.  We laughed, but he was actually surprised when I showed him some facts about the law of sexual appendage averages.  It did get me thinking though, about how many people believe in the myths about size and appeal.... So what does that have to do with anything?

Well let's talk about what are the norms here, because I bet that my buddy won't be the only one surprised by what the actual averages are.  Let's start with men.... to the average man, his penis is, one of the most important things in the whole world (whether he admits to it or not). At an early age he discovers it and immediately becomes fascinated by it, any Mom or Dad can tell you that it starts in diapers.  It's a race to see if they pee on you or cop a feel.  Seriously, though many societies socially constructed mythology that size matters in the measure of manhood is crap.  It's a pervasive stigma that pressures many men  to have that peek into the next urinal and wondering just how do I rate in size?

Society is so hung up on size, which I find bizarre because other than say a woman's boobs, the penis is about the only part of a human being that society endorses large sizes in. The truth is length of a penis doesn't really mean a thing except when it comes to having your pants tailored and whether you could take out someone's eye by walking past.  No matter what your Dad, Brother, Uncle or Granddad tells you length isn't where it's at, in fact many women are intimidated by a large/long penis, while many are attracted to a man who has some substance to him. 

According to the professionals the average flaccid penis is 3.75in in length (9.5cm), keeping in mind of course that there are all sorts of factors that affect the length of a penis such as temperature, there can be a variance of as much as 2 in, which is all well and good, but let's get to the nitty gritty, who cares what a limp noodle measures. What's important is the size after an erection right?

In a study of 300 men done by Masters and Johnson,   there were a few notable facts found:

• The largest organ was 14 cm (5.5 inches) in the flaccid state. It belonged to a slim man who was 5' 7" tall (170 cm).
• The smallest penis measured 6cm (2.25 inches). It belonged to a fairly heavily built man of 5' 11" (180cm).

• The man whose non-erect penis is smallish will usually achieve about a 100 per cent increase in length during sexual excitement.
• The man whose non-erect penis is on the largish size will probably manage about a 75 per cent increase.
• This means the great majority of penises measure between 15cm and 18cm (6-7 inches) when erect, with the average figure being about 16.5cm (6.5 inches).

Interestingly, most penises are very much the same size when erect, and there is also no correlation between race and penile size.  Sorry to break the news to you....So you can see that even if a man has got a 'small' penis, he's got a built-in compensating factor that will bring him up to about the same size as the guy who appears to be 'better equipped' in the shower room.

I hope I haven't lost you to all the stats n facts... because  this is an important part for you men to know... it doesn't matter how long or how short your penis is, because the vagina will accommodate itself to virtually any length.

Speaking of women let's get some facts for us .....

• The vagina of a woman who hasn't had a child is only 7.5cm (3 inches) long when she's not sexually excited. The figures for women who have had babies are only slightly different.
• Even when aroused, a woman's vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (4 inches).

The key point to remember with women is to properly excite her, by doing so her vaginal passage will adjust to accommodate even the exceptionally large; however, he needs to penetrate very slowly. In this manner the vagina will lengthen by 150 or 200 per cent to accommodate him.

So what have we learned?  Well..... men the only size that really interests women is girth, so if your a chubby penis man ...your partner will no doubt enjoy you, the average man is very capable of above average sex and the long man can still play if he takes his time to do it right.... which by the way I think is advice every man should take when approaching sex, well women too preparation and build up isn't just about sliding home it's about avoiding potential harm and pain for your partner as well.  

The message here is style over substance will get you further than you think, take the time to play, to excite and to get to know your partner...otherwise sex is just another cardio work out.

Play Time

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Seduce Me

It's been a bit since I written and I've been mulling over what topic I wanted to talk about.  I considered several before finally coming back to this one.  Seduction... we've all seen the stereotypical shows and movies... we all have this ideal about what seduction is.  According to the dictionary: Seduction is a noun that means to: 

1.an act or instance of seducing,  especially sexually.

2.the condition of being seduced.

3.a means of seducing;  enticement; temptation.

hmmm, while accurate I also find it slightly vague, but then when it comes to sex and sexuality most things are ambiguous and vague...I mean in the sense that sex is a very personal experience and no two experiences are exactly alike (even with the same long term partner and it feels like it is...but that's another topic).  But really what is seduction?  Is it really the rose petals on the sheets?  The soft music and candlelight?  Sure that will work even on me, but those kinds of seductions are short term. gets you laid but then so will 20 bucks and a back alley.  Short term is like binge eating gives you momentary pleasure but then you up chuck and it's over...real seduction is savouring that meal and letting ever mouthful overwhelm your senses with flavour and joy.  True Seduction Artists know that it's a life long affair, it's not the kick start to a sexual relationship but a significant part in keeping it fresh, exciting and keeping your partner engaged.  

True seduction isn't the wine, chocolate and flowers...(although those help but there just accessories to YOU).  To me seduction, like most parts of sex, sexuality and being sexy is a mental exercise in creativity, problem solving and focus.  You don't have to use tried and true...I'm not knocking it but if you want to seduce me, you need to have your thinking hat on (she says as Joe Cocker is singing "You Can Leave Your Hat On" in her head). 

Seduction is taking the time, asking who is this person I want to seduce?  What is it that they love and what is it that really turns them on?  Sometimes the best forms of seduction have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with showing someone how well you know them and how much they mean to you.  For instance, Find something small ... the latest by a favourite author or movie, something that tells them you're paying attention, that you know them, that who they are has made a difference in your life.  It's seeing how tired your partner is and instead of leaving the supper dishes, you run them a bath and you clean the kitchen. 

Now I can just see people going WTH?  How does doing the dishes relate to seduction and getting laid?  Well, if they're tired chances are they have energy for the dishes or you....take the time to read with them, or better yet read a book they love to them, write a love letter by hand and tuck into their bag/briefcase/pocket.  My point is that seduction is about intimacy, about connection and about tailoring what you do to the person.

Seduce Me.....bring me to a place where all I want is to be with you, convince me that you're the only one on earth I want to be with and do it with creativity and by figuring out what makes me tick, what really turns me on....show me how well you know me and be in the moment and enjoy it fully ....