If it turns you on....

So if it turns you on how can it be something shameful?  The world of fetishes and kink is still a shadowy place.  Despite the apparent open and common knowledge of society, it's still considered to be taboo.... We teach our sons and daughters that our bodies and what makes us excited is something to be hidden and suppressed...if it's not missionary it's wrong.  Take for example my daughter, now my friends who know me well will tell you that when it comes to sex I am an open book, the more we discuss the better in my view....However, that's not an opinion shared by a lot of my daughter's conservative redneck relatives.... When my girl was about 20 months she excitedly ran into Grandpa's and shouted out to him that he was a penis and she was a vagina...now as I trailed after her I stopped dead hearing this and simply turned around and went the other way.....not because I was embarrassed or upset but because I couldn't contain my laughter at the look of abject horror on Grandpa's face.  Well her actions earned me a big ole lecture about how it was inappropriate to teach her so young about her body...and ahem about how touching herself felt good but shouldn't be done in public...after all she's not a boy...;-)  ummm seriously? WTF??? Teaching my child the proper names of her parts and teaching her not to be ashamed of herself or her body's natural responses is inappropriate?  you are never too young to learn about yourself and about what makes you tick... at least in my opinion anyway....

Well I think that's a load of BS and really sex experts I am sure would agree.... if it floats your boat (assuming it's not illegal and involving children and animals...cuz that's just wrong) then it's not taboo.  We are born sexual beings and it's thanks to society, whose stance of oppression  along with the cultural/familial conditioning we are taught to suppress our nature.

But I am ranting and a little off point... lol  but hey it's my blog so I can do that.... but back to what I wanted to write about....I think like all things we humans do, sex is unique....like a fingerprint in some ways.

Ya ya, don't get your panties in a twist, I am quite aware of the sex basics insert tab A into slot B and all.... But what I am talking about is more personal than the 10 mins of bumping uglies.  I am talking about what is it that makes a woman wet..... what are the things that drive her so wild she'll jump you like a 50% off sale at Macy's.
It only makes sense to me that what turns us on is going to be as individual as who we are.  Take me for instance, while I love dirty talk as much as the next woman or man....what kind of talk really makes me melt?  Geek Speak....yes I said Geek Speak... and what I mean is someone who knows their stuff who can talk their trade, who utilizes their smarts to the fullest and can make a conversation that lasts hours about bits n bytes or facts n figures.. Tech speak is delicious in my book, you can use all the naughty talk you want (and trust me it works too but there's a time and a place for it and it's not at dinner with your partner's boss).

It's all in the tongue action... another popular turn on for millions of women and men (myself included) is oral play .... but there are probably just as many people who don't.  Within those preferences are all sorts of sub-preferences ....like some women prefer to spit rather than swallow.... or men who love getting oral but don't like giving (and let me just say ..I think it's utterly selfish to want oral and not be a willing equal participant... let me tell you if i am going to get down there on my knees my partner better be ready, willing and able to return the gesture or else), I've talked with couples who like oral but have serious hygiene issues and won't kiss, touch or continue till they've brushed, rinsed and swished.

While oral is an obvious turn on or off, like being an exhibitionist, a furry, etc... there are seemingly endless categories... but even still there are subtitles of what excites us.  For some it can be a certain touch, visual stimulus like porn or even seeing others PDA (public display of affection....Personally one of the things that turns me on is laughter... I am ticklish so sex is always a giggle fest (and no men do not take it as an affront to your manhood sheesh it just is what it is)but sex and all the parts in it in my opinion at least should be fun and involve giggles and play....

For example, a friend asked me once if kissing was supposed to turn her on.... I remember looking at her like she was on crack or something... I was like ummm seriously?  And she proceeded to tell me how she was so careful when she kissed her guy... she made sure she used the techniques she practiced etc....
I admit it I started to laugh...she got mad but I said look...if a man is kissing you and you can think about technique and whether your head is in the right place or if you have enough tongue than someone is doing it wrong...Kissing should leave you breathless, it should make you ache and your body tingle...hell if they're really good kissing can even bring a woman to orgasm... now to be fair she didn't have a lot of experience and was very earnest in her questions, but the fine art of kissing can't be taught with words, it's all about the practice practice practice....and about knowing yourself and what you like and don't like....

So what turns you on?  is it kisses and touches....is it a paddle n cuffs?  What makes you ache so bad you need to touch yourself or them?  And the next question is does what turns you on get amplified by having an emotional..spiritual...mental....relationship and bond....is what you feel enhanced by being with someone you are connected with?

I can honestly say that while certain things turn me on, it's like scoring that bag you've had your eye on at Macy's for half off.... Having someone I am connected with turn me on is like fireworks on the First of July...

tell me what do you think about turn ons ...offs ... and the bigger question is how do you deal with what makes you tingle... Do you accept it and honour it or do you hide it and fight it like a shameful secret?  Society has taught us the fine art of hypocritical behaviour when it comes to sex.... we want it ....we sell it ....it's everywhere we are, but society still tells us women who are sexual and confident are bad girls and men ...well we just expect them to be whores....that's what they do...

for me Kink is one of the things that makes sex a joy not a job....